A 100% accurate retelling of iron man

Overview
The first film in the OMCU saga, introduces us to Jeff Bezos

Story
Jeff Bezos crafts a missile in his family workshop, which he then proceeds to use to blow up a mountain. Jeff Bezos then goes on a jeep ride with Soulja boy, who gets shot by terrorists. Jeff Bezos is then taken to a cave and a falmer heals a chest wound which he got from fighting Soulja boy in a flashback. Jeff Bezos then gets a custom tailored suit which is made of metal and has flamethrowers and guns, and is made of lego, and he uses it to kill some terrorists and destroy their missile parts. He then flies out into the desert and gets taken home by the helicopter transformer. Once home Jeff Bezos is harassed by people trying to get him to build weapons, so he punches them with his paci-fist.

Then Hagrid and an army of Scottish terrorists go into the desert to dig up the JeffBezosMobile and fix it up. meanwhile Jeff Bezos discovers a fault in his suit and fixes it and gets into a fight with Hagrid over some salt and pepper, a fight which Jeff Bezos eventually wins, and he tells the salt and pepper dispenser that he is a person

Important Characters (in order of appearance)
Jeff Bezos / Iron man

Soulja boy

Transcript
narrator: Basically Jeff Bezos, but he makes missiles and it's a family business, except his dad's dead. and then he he like he really doesn't like mountains, so he fires missiles at mountains. And then he goes on a jeep ride with some- epic Soulja boy, and umm yeah he goes on a jeep ride with Soulja boy. And then Soulja boy gets shot, by terrorists. Osama bin Laden. And then Osama bin Laden but not takes him to a weird cave place and then a falmer of the cave treats iron man-

Baguette: did you say a falmer, like from Skyrim

narrator: Yes, a falmer of the cave treats Jeff Bezos' chest wound that he got when Soulja boy punched him.

~long pause~

narrator: And then he makes a cool suit thing

Minneth (from distance): Fire

narrator: He gets a custom tailored suit, yeah, but it's metal, with flamethrowers, and guns,

Baguette: the best type of suit

narrator: and made out of lego. Then what he does, he he he he visits Osama bin Laden outside the cave place and then he's like "Hey, my turn" and then just flamethrowers everyone, he flamethrowers all of the missile parts because they want him to make a Jeff Bezos brand missile. Then he goes flying into the desert, he turns Into the sun. No he doesn't, he turns into an assassins creed character, he turns into Bayek with his desert hood aesthetic, then he wanders off into the desert and then the helicopter boys find him, the helicopter boys from transformers. And then what happens is he goes home and now everyone's like "hey! we should make more weapons to make sure this doesn't happen again" but now Jeff Bezos is a pacifist, so he punches them with his paci-fist

everyone: laughter

Baguette: there's going to be a lot of background noise in this I just realised

narrator: yeah and then what happens is big beard man is like " You know what, I'm going to get the evil terrorist skirt man to- the man with the really big kilt but it goes down to his ankles, that scary terrorist"

Baguette: the Scottish terrorist

narrator: he get's the Scots to go and find where Jeff Bezos crashed into the sun... particles and then they dig out the JeffBezosMobile and then they put it back together like a kid trying to put together a motorcycle in his bedroom, and he never reads the instructions. That's a quote from doctor who. umm and then. And then Jeff Bezos makes another JeffBezosMobile then he gets in it and he goes up and then ice and then he falls down and hits the ground. Except he doesn't and he flies into the moon. But then there's a kid who drops his ice-cream on one of those things that's like what the London eye is, a ferris wheel. Ok so basically then Jeff Bezos fixes the icing problem. Jeff Bezos fixes the ice and then the non-Jeff Bezos beard man who summoned the Scottish armies makes his own BezosMobile but he doesn't know about the icing problem, then they get into a fight and then Jeff Bezos uses his paci-fist to punch the bootleg BezosMobile, but it's really big, like obscenely big, it's like hulkbuster but bootleg, and old, and there's no hulk or any buster anywhere.

Baguette: so it's just ""

Narrator: And then what happens is they get into a fight over, I dunno, the salt or something, yeah salt and pepper or something like that, and then they get into a fight over that, then they get into a fight over that.

baguette: yes, they get into a fight over the salt and pepper.

Narrator: Exactly, and then, they go up into the upper atmosphere, and then Jeff Bezos does a meme, memes the bearded Scottish man, the bearded Scotsman, and then uses his paci-fist to get away, after becoming red and gold. And then Jeff Pacivados, then Darth Vader goes and he, he goes to the salt and pepper dispenser and goes "hey I'm a person" and yeah I'm fairly sure that's the end of the movie.

Baguette: ok

extras
None currently